Evolution
by Laura1
Summary: Five years in the future Buffy goes to LA to start a new life


# Introduction – I'd like to start off with a thank you to Queen Gueynvere, who in a review of my last fic (an alternative ending for IWRY) asked for a happy ending. Now I don't think that story ever ended happily, but it made me think and I decided to write one that did. It just goes to show your reviews do make a difference – ask and you will receive, people!

# So, what I've come up with is this. It's set about five years in the future, around Buffy's 25th birthday. The general theme is how much the characters have grown and how the major events in their lives have changed them. Being sick and twisted as I am, I decided to start my 'happy' fic with a death. So, apologies to all Willow fans because I've killed her (it was nothing personal I promise). I think that's about all the background you need to know, apart from the fact it's low on the action packed and high on the deep musings of the characters and the B/A 'shippery. If that's not your thing then don't read it. 

# Disclaimer – Not mine, life's a bitch, etc, etc.

Buffy took in the familiar surroundings of the Sunnydale cemetery, where she had spent so many hours of her relatively young life. Today, though, she could hardly recognise the place. Admittedly, it was daylight and she was used to seeing it in the dark, but she knew that this was not the only difference. What had altered was her point of view. She considered how incredible it was that a person could change so irrevocably in just few days.

Death was something Buffy felt she would never understand. She had dealt so closely with it for so long now that she thought it could never surprise her. She had faced her own death so many times that it no longer frightened her. Death stalked her at every corner and she had fought and vanquished it on a nightly basis. Buffy had grown so used to the idea of death that she had thought herself immune to it. Today she realised that this was not true, that it would never be. Today death had shown her the true pain that it could cause, a pain of grief that exceeded any physical ache she had ever experienced. It was also a pain she would never forget.

Buffy scanned the graveside, surprised once again at the number of strange faces she saw there. She'd always thought that she had remained close to her friend despite the distance Willow's move to Boston had put between them, but only now did she realise how little she really had known the woman her former best friend became. All these people had cared enough about Willow to fly hundreds of miles across the country to come to her funeral and Buffy didn't recognise a single one of them. She noticed a distraught Sheila Rosenberg, standing alone crying and started to walk over to comfort her, before remembering how much Mrs Rosenberg had disapproved of her and her friendship with Willow. 

Suddenly unsure of herself and what she was doing there, Buffy turned and began to walk away from the gathering. She had loved Willow at least as much as, if not more than, all the other mourners, but she didn't feel she belonged in their midst. It was all too impersonal, too formal; this was not the way she wanted to say goodbye to her friend. She wondered the streets of her hometown, recalling all the moments she had shared with Willow there. When she reached the former site of the Bronze (which had since been transformed into a coffee house) she stopped. The memories were overwhelming now and brought tears to her eyes.

Buffy heard footsteps behind her and spun around, blinking back tears. When her eyes were clear she saw a tall, handsome man standing in front of her. At first she didn't recognise him; he was smartly dressed in a suit and the look on his face was so sombre. Then comprehension dawned and her face broke into a smile.

"Xander!"

He returned the smile and they hugged. Xander explained how he had intended to go to the funeral service but like Buffy he had just felt out of place and alienated from the new life Willow had found for herself. They contemplated this in silence for a few moments then Buffy suggested they go into the 'Bronze' for a cup of coffee. They talked a while about Willow and their memories of high school and college. Then the topic turned to Xander. 

"So, I never expected to see you in a suit." Buffy teased him gently; still mindful of the reason they were both there. 

"Yeah," Xander smiled ruefully. "I have to wear one to work everyday."

"Work? You mean you actually have a job?" Buffy joked.

"I'm customer relations manager for a department store." Xander registered Buffy's surprised look, then explained. "I started just as a shop boy, but it turns out I was good at dealing with the customers and I just got promoted from there."

Buffy remembered Xander's dramatic rush out of town over four years earlier following a deterioration in his relationship with his parents and a traumatic break-up with his long-time girlfriend Anya. Then she had held out little hope for his future success, considering both his lack of money or ambition and his fragile emotional status. It looked as though she had been proved completely wrong.

"What happened?" She asked completely amazed at the transformation.

"What? Did you figure I'd be living out of a dumpster on a side street somewhere, trying to scrape together money shining shoes and collecting cans?"

"Throw in alcohol dependency and a couple of illegitimate kids and you pretty much have my idea of your life." Buffy answered, only half jokingly.

"Well, I hate to disappoint you Buff, but that's what would have happened to the old Xander. I am a changed man," he proudly announced.

Buffy raised her eyebrows disbelievingly. "Please don't tell me you found God."

"Sweet Jesus, no!" Xander exclaimed. "I said I was changed, not born again."

"Good." Buffy replied relieved. "I mean, I have every respect for Christians but I don't think I could handle you quoting the bible at me. Today is weird enough as it is." At this she stopped abruptly, grief temporarily rushing back to steal her words and cloud her thoughts. She waited for it to pass then continued more quietly and seriously. "So, what did happen then? What was the cause of the new Xander and where can I get me some of it?"

"It's simple really." He answered. "I became a father. It was awesome, all that responsibility. Someone else's life in your hands. It really forced me to grow up and make an effort to do something worthwhile with my life. Suddenly it wasn't just my life I was screwing up anymore, I had other people to worry about as well. And it was either deal with it or lose them, so I dealt."

"Wow." Buffy was amazed at how much her friend had matured and regretted even more how she had lost contact with him. "So, I was right then," she said, but Xander looked confused. "About the illegitimate kids. I don't see a wedding ring, so I must be right."

Xander smiled. "Oh, you just had to pick on the one teeny detail that makes me look bad and spoil the moment, didn't you." Buffy dropped her gaze from his trying to suppress her own smile. "So, what about you then?" Xander asked her. "What have you been doing with your life?"

Buffy looked up again, momentarily floored by the question. She thought about her own life in Sunnydale; her well-paid but unfulfilling job as a real estate agent and her condo by the beach where she lived alone. She then considered Xander's fatherhood and the career Willow had been carving for herself as an expert in the psychology of the paranormal, before she died. Willow had become a respected professional and Xander the head of a household, she had no such achievements she could list. 

"Just the same really." Buffy said in answer to Xander's question. "You know still slaying. Still saving the world from unspeakable evil, etcetera, etcetera, so on and so forth… It doesn't really leave much time for anything else," she shrugged.

"Oh, well that's great. You know you're fulfilling your destiny and stuff." Xander tried unconvincingly to sound impressed at Buffy's lack of progress in life. "So, are you married? Engaged? Involved with anyone?"

Buffy shook her head at all three of these. "I've had a few casual relationships." _For that read a couple of first dates,_ she thought. "But, it's been difficult. You know what with the whole secret identity thing. I mean how do you explain to a guy that you can't make a date because you have to go eviscerate a demon."

"Well it certainly gives the old 'I'm washing my hair tonight' excuse a new plausibility." 

Buffy smiled as she realised her friend hadn't changed that much, he still cracked the same dumb jokes. "Why don't you come over tonight and we can say a proper goodbye to Willow. Giles is coming too."

"What Giles is still around? Isn't he, like, really old by now?"

"Actually you'd be surprised." Buffy answered. "He had a sort of mid-life crisis. Regained his lost youth." Upon hearing this Xander grimaced. "He even got married," Buffy continued. 

"Well that sounds like a sight I wouldn't want to miss, but I can't tonight. I have to go do the family thing." Xander said regretfully. "I can come round tomorrow, though, for your birthday."

"My birthday!" Buffy sounded surprised. "I forgot that was even tomorrow. I guess there's just been more important things going on."

"But you're 25 tomorrow." Xander protested. "You can't just miss acknowledging that milestone, even despite everything that's happened."

Xander stayed on at the Bronze, drinking coffee, after Buffy had left, thinking about their conversation. He knew that Buffy felt as bad about Willow dying as he did, not least because of the death of a good friend, but because they had both lost touch with her in past couple of years. They both regretted the time they could have spent with her before she died, time that was now lost to them forever. _If only we'd known_ Xander thought. _If we'd known what was going to happen we could have made an effort to be close to Willow. I could have told her how much I had loved her and always would._ But there was no way they could have known, it all happened so suddenly. One minute Willow was alive, laughing with her friends, engrossed in the work she loved so much. The next minute she was gone. Just like that. A brain haemorrhage, the doctors had said. Most likely due to a weak artery in the base of her skull. It had probably been there since birth, just waiting to blow. There was nothing anybody could have done about it.

_Only the best die young, _Xander thought bitterly. He reflected on all the vampires he had seen and fought. All that evil in their hearts and they had been allowed to live for centuries. And then his poor, darling Willow was only given 25 short years to share all the goodness and love in _her_ heart. Life was so unfair. Xander felt angry tears spring to his eyes and tried to think of something else. Dwelling on the subject of Willow's death only intensified the already immense grief he was suffering.

He recalled his conversation with Buffy, thinking over some of the things she had told him. Her lack of progress surprised him. She had always been the most focused of his friends and Xander had imagined that if anybody was going to make a success of themselves it was Buffy. When Xander had needed to summon the strength to take on the responsibility of becoming a father and a provider, it was Buffy he had thought of for inspiration. She was the one who had taken on the responsibility for all their lives and from such an early age as well. She was always the one who was strong for others who had never needed or asked for support, her friends had just given it anyway because they cared for her. Xander had thought that she would have used this strength and determination to get whatever she wanted out of life. Maybe that was the problem, though, the only thing she did want, the only thing she had ever asked for in return for all she had given, was the one thing that she could never have.

Xander got up to leave reluctantly, knowing he was just putting off the awkward moment that faced him when he went home. He was staying with his parents for the duration of Willow's memorial service and funeral, a gesture they had made in acknowledgement to the grief that he felt at losing a best friend. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate the gesture it was just that he was having trouble reciprocating it. He had never got along with the rest of his family very well, probably due to the fact they were never sober long enough to sit down and have a decent conversation with him, but the real trouble had begun four years ago when he had announced his engagement to his girlfriend Anya. 

He had expected his parents to be pleased by this news. He was doing a decent and mature thing, marrying the woman he loved (and she wasn't even pregnant, so it wasn't even like he had to do it), why wouldn't they be supportive? But his parents had been horrified by the idea. They had said he was too young and expressed their intense dislike of Anya. They had even had the nerve to pronounce Xander too lazy and stupid to ever get married, asking what could he possibly offer any future wife of his. His friends weren't entirely happy with the situation either, they had always been a bit concerned over Anya's ex-demon status, but at least they had tried to offer their support rather than publicly ridiculing the whole idea, as his parents had.

The whole debate had proved academic, anyway, as d'Hoffryn had returned to Sunnydale, offering to restore Anya's powers as a vengeance demon. Her soul had always been that of a demon's and as a human she had feared aging and dying, so she accepted his offer and regained the powers of 'The Wish'. Her first act once this transformation had reoccurred was to exact vengeance against Xander's parents who had so disapproved of her. Because of their hostility towards her as a demon she wished that all the demons in the area hated them in return. Xander's parents were then the targets of several demon attacks, before the Scooby gang realised what was happening and went to Anya to try and get her to reverse the spell. Xander liked to think that the part of Anya that still loved him had heeded his heartfelt requests and had broken the curse on his parents, but in reality it was more like Buffy's threats of killing her that had done the trick. In the end Buffy, in no small measure due to her own romantic history, had agreed to let Anya live as long as she left town and agreed never to come near Xander or any of his friends and family again. Xander too had left Sunnydale out of anger and shame over what had happened. Looking back on the whole incident now, though, he didn't blame Anya or his parents. They had each loved him in their own twisted way and it was only because they were narrow-minded and petty (or demonic in Anya's case), that they hadn't been able to show their love in a more acceptable (preferably non-homicidal) way. The only thing Xander regretted was losing contact with his friends the day he had left, especially now that contact was something he could never get back.

When he had become a father he had contacted his parents with the news. They had been concerned and judgemental at first, the typical reaction Xander had expected from them. But when they had heard more about how he was now making a go of his life and had met his girlfriend, they were more supportive. Over the past eighteen months Xander had tentatively been rebuilding his relationship with his parents. Things were much improved but they were still difficult, which was why Xander was not looking forward to going home and having to discuss Willow's funeral with them. It was just too much after what had already been a terrifically draining and grief filled day. _But_, he thought as he reached his front door_, I have to be the bigger man here. I have to bite the bullet and face my demons_. He frowned at the mixed metaphor and made a note to himself to work on his internal monologues. He then made another note to stop idling about, putting of what had to be done. He got out his keys, smiling at the fact they were still on the same _Bart Simpson_ key ring he had in High School. _This needs dealing with_, he thought. _So deal_.

He turned the key in the lock and entered the house.

Buffy briskly walked the darkened streets of Sunnydale, her eyes darting back and forth, searching the shadows for any sign of movement. She saw none. _Come on vamps_, she thought. _I don't have time to play hide and seek, I have to make it to drinks with Xander and Giles_. She smiled at the thought in spite of herself. What with the circumstances she had been determined not to celebrate her birthday this year, but Xander had been insistent and when she mentioned the idea to Giles he had agreed. She needed to be with friends on her birthday and if it helped they could always just get drunk and forget everything. She laughed quietly, shaking her head. Five years ago the idea that Giles would suggest them all getting drunk together would have been ridiculous. Sometimes even she couldn't believe the transformation that had befallen him. Giles had dropped most of his English restraint and become much more easy going, much as he must have been as a student except without the satanic worship and such like. She in return had matured, losing her youthful superficiality and hotheadedness (well most of it anyway). As a result they had become much closer. Their relationship no longer resembled that of Watcher and Slayer and had even moved away from being father and daughter. He was now her most respected and trusted friend, though judging her social life recently, Buffy thought, he didn't have much competition.

Suddenly a movement caught the corner of her eye. She spun around; it was a vampire, his demonic visage showing, on the prowl for something to eat. _Well you're just going to go hungry tonight_, Buffy thought, _either that or you'll be dead_. She whipped the steak out of her pocket and stood her ground in front of the rapidly approaching vamp. 

"Looking for me?" She asked sweetly.

The vampire didn't bother answering her question he just went straight for Buffy's neck. They exchanged a few blows then Buffy staked him easily. "Piece of cake." She muttered under her breath. She was less triumphant, though, when she noticed that she was no longer alone in the side street, but instead was surrounded by four other vampires, all hungry for her blood.

"Four against one. I've played worse odds than that before." She sounded confident enough, but nevertheless she was concerned.

Buffy selected what she thought was the largest vampire and started to fight with him. Whilst she was engaged in this though, she felt the blows of the other vamps heavy on her back. Whilst they inflicted little pain now, she knew that she could only cope with such a beating for a short time. She was going to have to do something drastic soon. She kicked her leg high, catching the lead vampire right in the face. Whilst he was still reeling from that blow she turned and staked on of the vampires behind her, all in one fluid movement. The lead vampire had recovered quicker than she had anticipated, though, and he grabbed her from behind, pulling her down to the ground. Just as Buffy was wondering how she was going to get out of this situation alive, another figure entered the ally, clutching a stake.

The newcomer was a girl who couldn't have been any more than sixteen years old. She confidently took on the vampire that was holding Buffy down, punching him twice in the face, and then turning him to dust with one stab of her stake. This freed Buffy to take on the two remaining vampires with the help of her new accomplice. From then on the fight was easy and it was a matter of seconds before both vamps were staked and the alley was silent once more.

Buffy turned to her saviour incredulously. "Who are you?" She asked, although she already new the answer.

It came anyway and was exactly what Buffy expected. "I am Cassandra, the vampire slayer."

"But, but, aren't you a little young to…" Buffy trailed off, remembering that she had started slaying when she was only fifteen.

"You are Buffy, are you not?" The girl inquired. "The former slayer."

"Hey, what do you mean former?" Buffy was insulted. "I'm still very much…whatever the present tense is, thank you very much! I just dusted three vamps, without even breaking a sweat!" She wiped her forehead. "Okay, maybe there was a little sweat and maybe I'm not as young and agile as I used to be, but that doesn't make me former."

"You are the former slayer for Sunnydale because I am your replacement." Cassandra responded calmly to Buffy's tirade. "The council sent me to thank you for your service and inform you, that now you have turned 25 you are relieved of your duties as a slayer. From now on Sunnydale is my responsibility and you are free."

When Buffy arrived back at her house Giles and Xander were already there, sitting with drinks in hand on her back porch. They both called out a greeting but were silenced by the look on Buffy's face.

"Why didn't you tell me this was going to happen?" Buffy demanded angrily of Giles.

"Tell you what was going to happen?" Giles feigned confusion, but guiltily downed the rest of his scotch in preparation for an onslaught from Buffy.

"That I was going to be replaced! And by some little girl barely out of a training bra, as well." She yelled.

"Hey, Buffy much as I always welcome discussion about bras, do you think you could calm down a bit here? Or at least explain to the more sober of those amongst us what's going on here." This interjection came from Xander.

She turned to Xander to fill him in. "It turns out that my services as a slayer are not required anymore. Apparently I've reached retirement age. Which it would have been nice to have been warned about," she added pointedly to Giles.

"Well, I didn't exactly _know_, this was going to happen…" Giles protested, receiving only a sceptical look from Buffy in response. "You see it's virtually unheard of for a slayer to live past 25, so there is very little precedent for this sort of thing. And I've been out of touch with the council for so long, I'm not exactly up to date on these sorts of things."

"But you had a pretty good idea that something like this was on the cards." Buffy as per usual knew exactly what the sub-text behind her former watcher's words was.

"Much of the literature about slayers places a great importance upon their 25th birthdays. This is supposedly the 'Final Day' of the slayer. Naturally, all the references to this day were rather vague and I couldn't gather completely what they were alluding to…" Giles trailed off, uncertain of how to continue.

"So, you figured that it either meant my release from duty or my imminent death." Buffy came straight to the point.

"Yes and if it was the former then I didn't want to raise your hopes and in the case of the latter I thought it best not to worry you. Especially what with recent events."

"Oh great, so you neglected to tell me that I could die horribly on my birthday, because you _didn't want to worry me_. Thanks Giles, your concern for my feelings is touching." Buffy glared at Giles and an awkward silence stretched between them.

"Well, you're still alive, so it's all good right?" Xander tried to sound cheerful.

"No, it's not good. I gave the best years of my life to this Hellmouth. I sacrificed friends, lovers, a _social life_ in order to be the best slayer that I could. Then they turn round and tell me I'm too old to carry on, without so much as a thank you! I mean I don't even get a retirement bonus or a pension, or one of those little silver carriage clock things. I deserve a carriage clock!" Buffy faded towards the end of her speech, her anger turning to regret at the things she had missed out on.

"Try to look on the positive side Buffy." Giles said softly. "You're free. You don't have to slay anymore. You can leave Sunnydale now. You can do anything you want, be anything you want. And you can do it with the knowledge you've fulfilled your duty, you've saved hundreds of lives. The strength of character you gained through slaying will serve you for the rest of your life."

A month later Buffy sat in a bar in the centre of LA, reflecting on the events of recent weeks. After she had been relieved of her slaying duties she had not known what to do with herself. Her future was no her own, to spend as she chose, but she had not a clue what she wanted to make of her life. At first she had stubbornly decided to continue slaying, in Sunnydale, but this had lasted no longer than a week. For starters Giles had strongly discouraged it, refusing to help her with research or fighting. The new slayer also resented her involvement wanting to go it alone. Buffy recognised this independent streak in herself, so had eventually decided not to interfere. 

Suddenly with a lot more time on her hands Buffy had renewed her friendship with Xander, who was staying in town for a couple of weeks now that relations with his parents were much improved. His girlfriend, Natasha, and twin sons had even come to town for a family reunion and Buffy got to meet them. It had made her consider the possibility of her having children someday. She had never seen herself as the mothering type (she couldn't even keep houseplants alive), but now at least she had a choice. Before, it hadn't even been an option. She couldn't even find the time to date, let alone get married and raise a family and besides she didn't think slaying was something you could take maternity leave from.

After Xander had returned home she had found her life unbearably empty. She knew that some changes were going to have to be made and the logical place to start was with her career. She had only ever taken her current job for convenience's sake. It was easy money and regular hours. She didn't care at all about what she was doing and hated her colleagues. She wanted a job that was interesting and fulfilling, one where she could meet people and where she would be kept busy. Not knowing exactly what this dream job of hers was she had decided to apply for the post of PR assistant for a movie studio in LA. She knew the city and thought that working for a movie studio would at least improve her social life; she might even get to rub shoulders with celebrities.

Now that she was actually in LA, though, and had gone through the torturous experience that passed as a job interview (she had been in fights to the death with hideous demons that were more pleasant), she wasn't so enthusiastic about the whole thing. To begin with she was stuck staying with her father and his new wife, Veronica, whom Buffy hated. Her father couldn't seem to understand the acrimony between the two girls, thinking that they should be getting on like a house on fire, owing to the fact they were nearly the same age. 

LA also held associations that Buffy would rather not think about. It was the home of Angel, assuming he was still around, of course. Buffy hadn't heard from him or about him in years. They had decided that it was best to have no contact at all, after the few times they had seen each other had all ended painfully. Buffy had tried to be strong, but even now just the thought of their time together and their parting brought tears to her eyes. And the possibility that she was so close to him, that she walked the same streets that he walked, without them ever connecting, brought an ache to her heart.

_Never mind_, she thought._ I just have to stick around long enough for them to tell me that I haven't got the job, then I can go back to Sunnydale and try and take my life in a different direction._ New York, Chicago, D.C., Boston, Seattle even - all these places were open to her. She could go anywhere she wanted; she didn't know what had attracted her to LA in the first place. _Yes you do_, a voice inside her whispered, but she silenced it and finished her drink. She had clearly had enough for one evening. She was starting to get melancholy. 

Walking out of the bar she heard a woman's scream in the distance. Instinctively she started running in the direction of the sound. After she'd covered about fifty yards she slowed and started to doubt if she was doing the right thing. After all it wasn't her job to help people anymore. All those lost souls in the night were somebody else's responsibility now. She was supposed to be here to help herself not other people. But the doubts only lasted seconds. Buffy knew that there was no way her conscience would allow her to ignore the cries for help of another when she knew she was more than capable of coming to their aid. 

She sped up again and as she ran, reached for the stake she still carried in her purse. The screams had stopped now, but a loud crash from down the next alley told Buffy she was heading in the right direction. She rounded the corner into the alley and stopped dead, assuming a battle stance; stake raised high, poised to attack. The sight she was met with surprised her, though, immediately in front of her lay the body of a demon. Just the body. Its head had rolled about ten feet to her left. Standing above the slain demon was a young black man, looking extremely pleased with himself. In the shadows towards the back of the alley cowered a very frightened woman who was being comforted by a slim brunette, dressed in leathers. Buffy sensed something familiar about the brunette but in her confusion, couldn't quite place what it was.

The brunette turned alerted by the sound of footsteps running into the alley. She looked up and a pool of light from a streetlamp fell on to her face, illuminating her features. A powerful jolt of recognition hit Buffy and her jaw dropped open. The brunette must have experienced something similar because her expression of surprise echoed Buffy's. Both women struggled to find their voices, the brunette managing to succeed first.

"Oh my God, B! What are you doing here? This is so wild!"

Buffy searched for something to say in reply to this but could only come out with one word: "Faith."

Buffy remained incredulous as Faith chattered on about amazing it was they would just run each other like this. Presently, a pause in conversation indicated that it was Buffy's turn to contribute. 

"Aren't you supposed to be in prison?" She blurted out.

"Get with the programme B," Faith tried to say lightly, but it was obvious that this was a sensitive issue for her. "I got parole for good behaviour two years ago."

_Good behaviour, Faith?_ Buffy thought. "And you decided to start slaying again?" She asked with hostility. "That was what got you in trouble the first time, remember?"

Faith flinched visibly at Buffy's words, making her regret them. Faith did deserve a second chance after all. The wounds that she had inflicted on Buffy had healed in time and now Buffy was just being vindictive, exactly what Angel had warned her against all those years ago. She tried not to think about that and instead concentrated on what Faith was saying to her.

"Angel told me that it was not enough for me to be punished for…for…things I've done in the past." Faith said with difficulty. "He said if I really wanted to change I should be prepared to atone for them as well. That I should give something back by helping people who needed it. And that being a slayer I was in a unique position to do that."

"What has Angel got to do with any of this?" Buffy said, bristling at any mention of her former lover. 

"I'm working for him now. I'd thought you'd know. I mean Cordelia…" Faith trailed off awkwardly.

"I haven't spoken to Cordelia in years." Buffy snapped. She turned to look at the black man that she had noticed when she first entered the alley. Recognition hit her for the second time in five minutes. She had met the guy before when visiting Angel in LA; he was one of Angel's staff. She couldn't for the life of her remember his name, though. When in close proximity to Angel she tended to think of little else.

"Charles Gunn." The man said, offering his hand. Buffy shook it and supplied her own name, even though she was pretty sure he was aware of it already.

An awkward silence stretched between the three of them, which Buffy shocked everybody by breaking.

"Cordelia!" She exclaimed. "How is she? Does she still work for Angel?" _Cordelia won't have heard_, she thought in reference to Willow's death. She had a right to know and Buffy would have to be the one to break it to her. "I should go and see her really, there's something she needs to know."

Buffy was glad when Faith did not inquire what this news might be, but instead suggested that she took Buffy to see Cordelia.

"She'll probably still be at the office. We're kind of a night-time operation, you know."

Buffy hesitated, unsure at the prospect of seeing Angel. Faith seemed to read her mind and reassured her. "He'll be glad to see you. He still misses you," Faith added quietly.

Buffy's heart seemed to jump into her throat upon hearing this. She nodded dumbly and it was decided. She was going to see Angel again after all these years.

On the ride back to the office Faith glanced nervously over at Buffy. All pretence at conversation had been dropped about ten blocks back, too much had passed between Faith and Buffy to make any kind of small talk possible. Faith felt awkward in the presence of her former friend, she knew Buffy had never forgiven her for the events of over six years ago. She didn't exactly blame her, either. Had their positions been reversed Faith knew that she surely would have killed Buffy when she had the chance. Instead Buffy had let her live and in doing so allowed her a second chance at life. A second chance that Faith was determined to make the most of.

Prison had been difficult for Faith. She was so used to having control over her own life and having to relinquish that control to the prison authorities had been difficult. She had felt like a caged animal and for all intents and purposes she was. It had taken all her self-restraint not to attempt escaping from the jail. She knew she could have been successful, perhaps without even having to kill anybody. But she couldn't keep running from what she was and what she had done. She had to face the consequences of her own actions, which was the first step towards changing. Angel had taught her that.

Angel. He was another reason Faith felt so bad about seeing Buffy. She was afraid Buffy would sense that something had passed between them. Faith had always had a thing for Angel. He had an aura of power and control about him and Faith had been attracted to that. However, when Angel had persuaded her to change her ways her feelings for him had changed to being much more than lust. He had been the only one who understood what she was going, though. The only one who had stood up for her when everyone else was against her. He had believed in her against all odds and she had loved him for it. When she was in prison she had lived for his visits. They were what kept her from going mad. 

All those years in jail she had cherished her love for Angel and thrived upon it. It was a pure emotion in her otherwise dark and confused heart. It was so refreshing for her to feel something other than anger and pain, something as beautiful and simple as love for another. She realised that if she was capable of love then she could feel other positive emotions. Humility, friendship, loyalty. She wasn't a total lost cause; she could be a good person. And when she had been released from prison Angel had taken her under his wing. Led her gently back into the world of slaying, had taught her to control her powers and her rage and to use them for the good of others. He had saved her from herself.

Her job at Angel Investigations had benefited her in more ways than she could count. Things had initially been very difficult, especially between her and Wesley, but she had apologised for her behaviour and he had soon realised that she meant what she said and that she had genuinely changed. She was grateful for his forgiveness and had developed a true respect for him that she'd never had when he was her watcher. There was awkwardness between her and Cordelia as well, but a few choice words from Angel had soon put an end to that. In time Faith had found herself coming to like Cordelia immensely, her straight forward, down to earth manner appealed to Faith's 'no bullshit' attitude. After Faith had saved Cordelia from a gang of vampires the other woman had been forced to acknowledge Faith's changed character and now the two of them were firm friends.

After she had settled into her new life Faith found the courage to tell Angel of her feelings for him. The two had shared a kiss and had tentatively begun seeing each other. But, after no more than a week Angel had ended things between them. He was a vampire, he said. He still had the curse. It was wrong of them to get so close. Faith knew what his real reasons for breaking up with her were, though. He still loved Buffy, he always would do and Faith was just a poor substitute for her, someone to temporarily relieve Angel's loneliness. 

Faith had initially been very hurt by Angel's behaviour towards her and had run away from him and her new life, the same way she had dealt with all her problems and hurt before. But Gunn had managed to track her down to a bar in downtown LA. He had told her how worried they all were about her and after a long talk had persuaded her to return. When she was back Angel had admitted how much he cared for her and valued her friendship. In time her feelings for Angel had faded and she came to appreciate that it would have been wrong of them to have pursued a relationship. Recently she had started dating Gunn. They both had a darker side to their personalities and they had bonded over their respective experiences of criminality. It was a tumultuous relationship but nevertheless it was based on a strong friendship and loyalty to one another. Faith was still a little in love with Angel but suspected these feelings stemmed more from awe rather than any romantic desires. Essentially, she was happy with her new life. Something she couldn't ever remember being before.

Buffy turning up like this threatened to change all that, though. Seeing the woman she had hurt and abused so badly in the past brought back all her old feelings of guilt. Faith also knew that if Buffy should discover any of Faith's former romantic intentions towards Angel then major arguments and upsets would ensue. She knew that a depth of feeling ran between Angel and Buffy that was strong enough to break up even the close-knit team at Angel Investigations. This put Faith on the defensive, AI was her family and she couldn't bear anything breaking it apart.

They had arrived at the offices now and Faith looked upon the building proudly. The Hyperion Hotel had long since gone; rendered unstable after the opening of a vortex into Hell in the basement had destroyed its foundations. Now AI rented the whole of a well-maintained four-story office block. Admittedly, it was in one of the seedier areas of town but proximity to their clientele was essential, as Angel often said. The business had been thriving over the past few years, as Angel had developed a reputation for being both efficient and discreet. Faith sneaked another glance at Buffy, now regretting bringing her here at all. There was every chance that the presence of the slayer could disrupt the team dynamic at AI and destroy everything they had all worked so hard to achieve.

Buffy surveyed the office building apprehensively. Every fibre of her being was screaming not to do this, not to go in. Angel had his own life now, one completely removed from her and Sunnydale. What right did she have to suddenly waltz in and expect him to even talk to her? To expect him to act like they were old friends just catching up with one another, when in fact they were so much more. But she knew that she could not turn back now, not only because the situation prevented her from backing out but because her heart would not let her. In truth she ached to see Angel again. She dreamed of it every night, only she refused to acknowledge these dreams because of the pain it caused her.

Gunn killed the engine of the car and Faith leapt out, full of nervous energy. Buffy moved more slowly, more reluctantly, clutching her bag to her side as if it were a talisman that could protect her. She looked instinctively checked her reflection in the car's wing mirror, uncomfortably aware of how much she had aged since Angel saw her last. Although only 25 the ravages of slaying had begun to etch lines into her face and suddenly this bothered her more than ever. Just as she was turning away from her reflection she realised she was wearing her leather coat, the same one that Angel had given her soon after they had met. She had taken to wearing this more and more lately because of the warmth and comfort it provided and hadn't even noticed the significance of it until now. It was too late to change now, anyway, she thought. Angel would just have to make of it what he will. 

"Right." She nodded decisively to Faith, indicting that she was ready to go in.

The first thing that greeted her when she entered the building was Cordelia's voice ringing out loudly. It had the same condescending tone to it that Buffy recognised from high school. _Well, some things never change_, she thought. Cordy was on the phone and judging from the side of conversation she could hear Buffy was glad she was not the person Cordelia was addressing. 

"I don't care if your mother is on her death bed. That doesn't change the fact that you're three months overdue paying what you owe. Anyway, wasn't it your wife that was gravely ill last month? There seems to be a lot of fatal diseases going around your household at the moment. I'd watch out if I were you, it could be you next." Cordelia's sarcasm was biting. "We've had enough of your excuses, _Governor_. We sorted out your little problem, now we expect remuneration. Angel doesn't take kindly to non-payment, if you follow my meaning." She paused listening to the response. "Yes we do accept cheques. That'll be fine. Thank you for your business. We hope we can be of service in the future." She hung up, looking immensely pleased with herself.

Her attention now no longer distracted she turned to greet the group that had entered. A look of surprise registered on her face as she recognised Buffy, but didn't last long. Working for Angel for so long had led her to always expect the unexpected. "Buffy!" She exclaimed, looking almost genuinely pleased to see the other woman.

"Cordelia." Buffy managed stiffly.

"So, what are we supposed to hug now, or something?" Cordy looked like the prospect was a fate worse than death.

"I don't think that's necessary." Buffy looked around apprehensively, expecting Angel to appear at any moment.

"He's not here." Cordelia's sharp eyes picked up Buffy's awkwardness immediately. "He's out battling the forces of evil, as per usual."

"Oh." Buffy tried not to let her disappointment show. She had been dreading seeing Angel but now that she wasn't going to she felt no relief, only a sense of loss. "Actually it's you I wanted to see." She said to Cordelia.

"Really?" Cordy managed to look sceptical and completely uninterested in equal measure.

Buffy realised that the other woman was not going to make things easier for her. She and Cordelia had never been close; in truth they had all but hated each other in high school. But, things had got even worse between them since Cordelia had begun working for Angel in LA. Cordy had become very protective over her boss and resented Buffy for being the cause of such heartache for him. It had also seemed to Cordy that every time Buffy showed up in LA chaos ensued, which was not something she enjoyed. Buffy gritted her teeth and broke the news of Willow's death to Cordelia a little less gently than she had intended to do.

Cordelia's expression clouded over momentarily and she muttered a genuine "I'm so sorry" to Buffy.

Faith had also heard Buffy's announcement and a look of shock filled her face. "God, B." She managed.

An awkward silence filled the room. Gunn, the only one unaffected by this news, eventually broke the silence by offering to give Buffy a tour of the premises. Buffy unsure of what to do or say next, and wanting to hang around as long as possible, in the hope of Angel's return, agreed to this.

Angel sneaked a glance at his watch as he pulled off the highway. It was ten thirty pm. Sunrise was at about six o'clock in the morning at this time of year, which gave him seven and a half hours to take care of this business and return to the city before it got light. He thought he should just be able to manage it.

As per usual Cordelia's vision had been unhelpfully vague. It had directed him to a trailer park out in the desert somewhere. Unfortunately, the where was the vague part. Angel was having terrible trouble even finding the people he was needed to help and Wesley's inept navigation was not helping. 

"Which way now?" He asked as they reached a T-junction. 

"Um, um…left I think." The Brit peered through his glasses at the map that was currently taking up the majority of the front of the classic car, before realising that he had it upside down. "No, right." He corrected. "Definitely right."

Angel raised one eyebrow sceptically but took the turn anyway. He had long since learned to trust the judgement of his friend and colleague, knowing that Wesley was actually a lot more capable than he often appeared to be. About a mile down the road Angel noticed a faded signpost advertising the trailer park and chided himself for ever doubting Wesley. 

"You can put that map away now and start looking at some of the books you brought along." Angel advised his assistant. Cordelia's vision had mentioned the opening of portholes to another dimension, which demons were using to pass into this world. If Angel was going to stop the killing then he needed a spell to permanently close the portholes and that was Wesley's domain.

Angel was proud of the team he had assembled. Each of them had their own place and role in the business. Gunn and Faith took the routine patrols together every night and had proved very successful at keeping the streets free of vampires. They were both fighters by nature and had helped Angel numerous times in battle. They also dealt with any matters that needed resolving in the daylight, due to the obvious problems these caused Angel. Wesley was the official 'book-guy' (a nickname bestowed upon him by Cordelia and Faith); he conducted all the research that was so necessary for solving many cases. He did rather resent this position, after all research wasn't the most glamorous of tasks, but the truth was Wesley was indispensable and occasional reminders of this soon silenced any complaints he may have had. Cordelia was, of course, Angel's seer but she also played an important role keeping the paying customers happy. As much as he knew Cordy hated her visions Angel couldn't help being grateful that it was she who had them. Her visions tied her to Angel and the business and without them Angel feared she would have left years ago, especially now that she was married. Cordelia's presence around the office was essential for morale. She was the one who always kept a light-hearted attitude and who stopped things from getting too depressing or serious. Angel often wondered what his life in LA would have been like if he'd never met up with her. Certainly nothing like it was now, that was for sure.

They had reached the trailer park and Angel stopped the car and got out. As he did so he noticed dust from the desert covering the paintwork of the car. It would have to be washed when he got back to LA, Angel thought. Angel smiled inwardly as he recognised his obsessive cleanliness as a common vampiric trait. Vampires were by nature terribly vain.

Self-image was crucially important to them and this included their own appearance as well as that of their cars, their homes and even their friends.

Angel's musings were interrupted, though, when he registered the sight that was before him. To the casual observer this would have appeared to be just like any other trailer park. Mobile homes in various states of disrepair stood scattered randomly on dusty soil, which every now and then was broken by tufts of dry grass growing through it. Makeshift yards had been pegged out with string and the majority of these were strewn with rusty old car parts, probably once kept with the hope of being sold to raise some much needed cash but now too eroded to even classify as scrap metal. But it was not the landscape that bothered Angel, nor even the aura of abject poverty that surrounded it. What made him stop in his tracks and take a sharp intake of unnecessary breath were the people he saw.

A whole group of them were gathered in a circle around a bonfire lit in the centre of the park. The women huddled together deep in conversation, shawls wrapped around them to guard against the chill in the night air. As Angel walked towards them an old man turned instinctively to face him. The man's eyes seemed to stare straight through Angel rather than at him. His expression unchanging and gaze unwavering, the man raised a cross and held it up high in Angel's direction.

_Gypsies_, Angel thought. Memories of his earlier encounters with this particular ethnic group flooded his conscience, rendering all other reasoning impossible.

Cordelia tried to concentrate on the computer screen in front of her with little success. She was supposed to be checking the accounts, but Gunn's voice from across the hall, where he was showing Buffy the office's weapon's room kept distracting her. It was such a shock to see Buffy again after all these years. Cordy wondered what she was doing in LA anyway. Surely, Buffy should be in Sunnydale averting some apocalypse or something, not in their office dredging up the past and upsetting everybody. Cordelia sighed, so far no major arguments had broken out between Buffy and Faith, the two were in fact being very civilised to one another, but it was only a matter of time and when Angel returned there were bound to be fireworks. 

Cordelia was not sure Angel should see Buffy at all. Her presence would just remind him of all the things he couldn't have, the love he couldn't possess and the prospect of spending eternity alone. She knew from bitter experience that after such a visit Angel would get all broody again. They wouldn't get a single civil word out of him for weeks. The atmosphere around the office would be a nightmare. And just when things were starting to run really smoothly, as well. Cordy exited the computer programme having resolved to go and speak to Buffy. She would just have to tell Buffy that she shouldn't be here, that it was insensitive and rude just to barge in like this without even calling first. She should just go back to Sunnyhell where she belonged.

Cordelia was just about to march into the next room to deliver this speech when she stopped and considered Buffy's news from earlier in the evening. Willow had died. It must have hit Buffy pretty hard, considering they were best friends and all. Buffy was probably pretty upset right now and the last thing she needed was for Cordelia to throw her out. Cordy was suddenly amused by how considerate she was sounding. At this rate Buffy would hardly realise that she was dealing with the same person who had been Sunnydale High's resident bitch. Age had definitely mellowed Cordelia. Seeing all that suffering and pain in the world had taught her to be more sensitive to other people's feelings and less self-centred. Meeting her husband had also helped. He was a wonderful man who always refused to indulge her selfishness and was never afraid to point out her shortcomings. In return Cordelia frequently reminded him of his, though, she had to admit they were few. He wasn't her idea of her perfect man, he didn't have the mansion on the beach front in Malibu or the holiday home in the Bahamas for starters, but he was very loving and supportive and Cordelia could never remember being happier.

Initially it had been difficult, explaining to John about her life and her job. She had met him at a Hollywood party. He was a struggling writer, the deep, sensitive shy type that really didn't belong in the cutthroat movie industry. He wasn't the usual man Cordy would go for, in fact he was the kind of man she usually labelled as weak and pathetic and avoided like the plague, but by that point she had started to realise how superficial the whole of Hollywood really was. She was bored with putting on a false demeanour to try and impress people she no longer cared about and had pretty much given up on the idea of becoming an actress, anyway. There was no way she could possibly succeed what with the visions she kept having at the most inopportune times. Therefore, that evening she was sat in the corner, nursing her glass of fizzy wine (even the champagne was faux at these things) when a young man had come over to talk to her. 

He had sensed that she was as much out of place at the party as he was and eventually they had left together and gone for coffee instead. He told her of the work he had done writing and how he liked to watch people to understand what they were feeling and to put those feelings into words so that everyone could experience them. Cordelia had spoken of her work for an investigative agency and told of the people she had helped. She mentioned that the pain and the misery she had seen made her appreciate what was important in life; the simple things, love, happiness, friendship, rather than insubstantial, fleeting things such as fame or riches. John agreed with her and she had fallen in love instantly. When she was with him she didn't have to put on any pretence of grandeur or sarcasm, she could just be herself.

The next day she had introduced him to Wesley and Angel. They had both approved of him immediately and she and John were married within six months. It had been a difficult task telling him about her visions and that she worked for a vampire. But his writer's imagination had helped him cope with the shock much better. John was fascinated by the whole world of the supernatural and spent hours listening to Cordelia's stories of events on the Hellmouth and demons she had fought with Angel. Eventually, John had used these stories as a basis for a film script that was made into a hit movie. Suddenly, John was the hottest property in Hollywood and he and Cordelia were rich. She hadn't let it change her life, though, she still worked for Angel and she and John refused to be part of the superficial culture that was the movie industry. Of course, they went to the odd premiere now and then and if George Clooney invited them to a party at his house then it really was rude to refuse, but she didn't enjoy herself – that much.

Cordelia was forced to abandon her train of thought by Buffy and Gunn re-entering the room, Faith trailing behind. They had completed the tour of the building and it was time for Buffy to leave. _Thank God_, Cordy thought to herself. Buffy's visit had passed without incident. She and Angel had not seen each other and now she could go and let them all get on with their lives (or unlives, whichever the case may be). Buffy seemed reluctant to leave, though, and was attempting small talk with Gunn. However, there was very little the two had to say to each other and the conversation soon lapsed into an awkward silence.

"Buffy…" Cordelia began, about to advise the other woman to leave. She could only show so much sensitivity after all.

But Buffy had already got the hint. "Well it was nice seeing you all again. It's getting late, so I'd better go." Then she walked out without saying another word, the only response to her leaving being an audible sigh of relief from the others that she had gone.

Angel stood back nervously, whilst Wesley tried to talk to the gypsies. Ever since he had been cursed he had been wary around gypsies. They had powers that he could never hope to understand and that they were more than able to use against him, as past events had shown. For this reason Angel was reluctant to venture any closer to the group. They knew exactly what he was and were not afraid and that was enough to let Angel know that they were the ones with the upper hand.

Wesley stalked back towards Angel, a hard-set expression on his face. He got in the car and indicated they drive a little way down the road, away from the settlement.

"They are still refusing to trust us." He angrily explained. 

"Can you exactly blame them?" Angel replied quietly. "I'm not exactly a hero of Romany mythology, remember?"

"Yes, well. If they do know who you are then they should know that you do not mean them any harm." Wesley replied logically. "But, how are we expected to help them, if they won't even give us any details of the problem? All we have is the information from Cordelia's vision, and that doesn't give us much to go on."

"The vision mentioned portholes to another dimension, right?" Angel thought their predicament through. "Isn't there some kind of a spell or divination technique that you can use to locate these portholes? Whatever trouble there is must be centred around them."

"Hmm, I wonder." Wesley started leafing through one of the many tomes he had brought along for the ride. "Aha, here's something!" He exclaimed a few minutes later. "Any gateway to another dimension can be located by divination," he read from the text. "All we need is a map of the area, a Latin speaker and…oh dear."

"I'm not liking that 'oh dear', Wesley." Angel said in a low voice.

"A crystal is necessary to perform the spell. It must be pure quartz and blessed in the name of the Goddess Hectate. Um…as you know that's not exactly the kind of thing I carry around with me."

"And I'm guessing you can't buy one at the convenience store either." Angel stated disappointedly. 

"No. One would have to visit a rather well-stocked magic store in order to get that particular type of crystal."

"Unless 'one' just happened to have one lying around in 'one's' drawer at home."

Both Angel and Wesley turned swiftly around in the direction the female voice had come from. Behind them stood a young girl, shabbily dressed and with long dark hair. In her hand she held a large quartz crystal, threaded onto a leather thong. Seeing the puzzled looks on Angel and Wesley's faces she quickly explained.

"I want to help you. When the demons came they took away with them some of our number, for a sacrifice they needed to perform. One of the ones they took was my sister. The elders promised that they would solve the problem and get Anna back, but I do not believe they can. These demons are not from our dimension, so the elders' magic does not work on them. They are too proud to accept help, especially from a vampire. I am not. I just want my sister back and I think you are her only hope."

Angel looked into the girl's eyes and saw the genuine sentiment there. 

"Let's go then."

Buffy found herself back in a bar. She knew she shouldn't be there; that she should just go home and forget tonight had ever happened. But she couldn't. She couldn't stop thinking about Angel. She had come so close to seeing him tonight. She had been in his workplace, his home, had seen the sights he saw everyday, spoken to his friends. She had sensed his presence, had even picked up faint traces of his scent in the office. Yet they hadn't actually met. Chances were he would never even know that she was there. Cordelia and the others had been very polite. They said all the right things, it was nice to see her, they hoped she was well, but Buffy had sensed that they really didn't want her there disrupting their routine and the sooner she was gone the better. Neither would they want to upset Angel with the news that she had visited and he had missed her.

Buffy got up from her bar stool, went into the ladies room, locked herself in a stall and started to cry. It was so long since she allowed herself to do this, she realised. She hadn't even cried proper tears upon hearing about Willow's death. Now, though, she couldn't stop. Great sobs wracked her slender frame as she allowed herself to feel all the emotions she had suppressed for so many years. She had lost so many people in her life, Angel, her mom, Willow and now she felt as though she was losing herself. She'd always had such a strong identity, a sense of self. She was Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but now she wasn't even that. She was Buffy the Lonely Real Estate Agent, which didn't exactly have the same ring to it. She had lost her purpose in life, her calling. It was like the centre had just dropped out of her world.

She wanted to go back and do everything again, but differently. She wanted to enjoy slaying because it made her special, not resent it because it made her abnormal. She wanted to have been there when her mother died in hospital, to say goodbye, rather than being held prisoner by a gang of vamps at the time. She wanted to have kept in better contact with Willow, to have made more of an effort to learn about her friend's new life. She wanted to apologise for all the times she had got mad and lashed out and hurt the people she loved. She wanted to be held and protected. She wanted someone to fight for her, instead of having to take on all the battles herself. She wanted to take Angel into her arms and tell him that she didn't care about what he was or what he had done in the past. She wanted to kiss him and tell him they were soul mates, that she loved him and always would. She didn't want to be alone anymore. 

At this realisation the tears slowed and finally stopped. Buffy took a few deep breaths, then wiped her eyes, calming herself. She wasn't a slave to duty anymore. She was free. Most of the things she wanted it was impossible for her to have, but how could know for sure unless she took the chance. Ever since she fell in love with Angel and he had hurt her so much, she had guarded her heart closely. She was afraid to give it to another in case it was broken again. So, she had always chosen the safe option. Had chosen guys whom she knew she would never truly love, so as to spare herself the pain when it all fell apart. But she knew now that if she continued like this she would always be alone. She knew that there was only one man on this earth that she was capable of completely loving, of giving her heart to. That man was Angel and she had to see him and tell him this before she left LA.

Angel grimaced in pain as Wesley tightly bandaged the wounds on his chest. The last of the demons he had fought had been a particularly nasty piece of work. It had claws in the place of hands, which it had used to tear open the skin above his ribcage. It had not had much chance to do any more damage, though, as immediately afterwards Angel had decapitated it with one swing of his trusty axe. Angel always found pain in the heat of battle useful, it helped him to focus his rage on his opponent. His demonic instincts took over and he was able to unleash all his powers of strength and skill. Dealing with the injuries afterwards was always annoying, though. He was glad he healed quickly.

Angel shook his head in disbelief, wondering how he could be thinking of such inconsequential matters when so much more significant events had transpired that evening. He movement generated a look of concern from Wesley, which Angel dismissed with a nod of his head.

"It is a lot to take in." Wesley remarked. "I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now."

Angel thought carefully. He didn't quite know what he was feeling. He had spent so many years trying not to feel. Attempting to quell any reaction to happenings around him. In the past he had felt pain and grief and suffering so acutely that it had almost destroyed him. Thus, with the aid of his friends he had cultivated a pleasant numbness inside his heart. He had blunted all his emotions until he had reached a state of equilibrium, one that if it were not for all the guilt he possessed, would have been nearing contentment. He was not happy. He could never be happy, if only for the reason he did not feel he deserved to be. He was, however…comfortable, with his life. He had come to terms with his existence. There were still some things that caused him unbearable hurt, memories of Buffy for instance, but he accepted that this is what he must endure. His behaviour as Angelus was what had set him on this path; therefore, he only had himself to blame for all the pain and regrets he felt. He knew he must face his guilt with fortitude and strive to gain redemption for his earlier acts of cruelty. This he was resigned to. He had just not counted on the latest turn of events.

With the young gypsy girl's help they had located the entryway the demons were using into this dimension. It was in a cave out in the desert. Angel had gone there and interrupted the ritual the demons were performing just before the gypsies they had taken hostage were sacrificed. A ferocious battle ensued and Angel managed to kill all the demons, not before sustaining the odd injury himself, however. He and Wesley had then performed the spell necessary to close the portholes, and thus prevent any more demons entering the dimension. The three gypsy girls that had been captured were then returned safely to the trailer park. The elders of the tribe had been amazed at this. Help given by a vampire, it went against all natural laws. It confirmed to them what they had previously refused to acknowledge, that Angel really was the souled vampire that had been cursed over one hundred years ago. Theirs was not the same tribe that had curse Angel, that tribe had long since dissipated, but they did believe that some of their members were descended from those very same gypsies that had been present when Angel was cursed.

"Well how do you feel?" Angel's thoughts were once again interrupted by Wesley.

"I dunno." He muttered in reply. "Pleased I guess, but…" He trailed off unable to finish the train of thought.

"You wish it had happened sooner." Wesley guessed what Angel was going to say anyway.

"Yeah."

"But you weren't ready then. You didn't deserve it. Now you can be sure that you are worthy – that you are able to shoulder the responsibility." The Brit provided his usual logical perspective of things.

Angel nodded briefly in agreement with this. It was true. Before he had not deserved of the gift the gypsy tribe had now chosen to bestow upon him. Neither did he think he was emotionally stable enough to cope with it then. Now he still did not believe he had done enough to help people to warrant his gift but at least he felt he had the strength to cope with its consequences now. He could live in human society now. He regularly interacted with humans and even enjoyed the experience. He had friends to support him, real friends who were loyal and cared for him as much as he cared for them. He felt secure and grounded. He had a place in the world – was finally a part of it instead of being an outsider looking in.

There was one thing missing in his world, though. Love. He still missed Buffy incredibly. She had been the sunlight in his life. She had the power to brighten even the darkest corners of his soul. He regretted the way he had handled their affair. He had acted rashly, hurting her beyond repair. He was supposed to be the older, wiser one in their relationship, yet at the time the emotions he had been experiencing were as new to him as they had been to the schoolgirl he had fallen in love with. She had provided an antidote to all his pain and suffering, so much so that he had never wanted to be apart from her, he needed her comforting presence with him always.

Buffy had depended upon Angel for strength, protection and support, but she had never realised how much he depended upon her in return. He had hidden himself away from humanity for one hundred years. Wanting so desperately to be a part of that human world, yet fearing the consequences if he tried to gain access to it. Then Buffy had come along and provided his link to humanity and warmth. He had learned to laugh again, to appreciate the simple things, like a touch given out of love not cruelty or the sound of another's breathing. He had become addicted to this world and desperate to immerse himself in it. Then he had lost his soul and it had all been torn away.

After he returned from hell he was scared. Scared of losing control of himself like that again. He was wary of Buffy and experienced new guilt for the things he had done to her. Yet still he sought comfort in her. Her warmth, her light, her _forgiveness_ gave him hope that he could learn to live in the world of humans again. But, he saw the truth in the eyes of her family and friends; those he had once deigned to call his friends also. Eventually he even saw the truth in Buffy's own heart. He did not have control over his soul or his emotions; he was not to be trusted. And he couldn't just pretend that he was. By doing so he was ruining Buffy's life and if it continued he was probably going to destroy her. 

So, he left. He left and he came to LA to strengthen his soul. To gain the control, not only over the demon that lived inside of him, but over his own needs and wants. He had to rid himself of his desperate craving for humanity as experienced through others. He would just have to create his own humanity, slowly but surely. And this is what he felt he had achieved. He had learnt appropriate emotions and how to express them. He had practised social interaction and conversation. He had even developed his sense of humour. His internal wounds had begun to heal and he found himself brooding on the past a lot less. He lived for the present now, the present_ and _the future. He helped people and every soul he saved touched his own. 

So, he was pleased by the events of this evening. Still somewhat in shock, but definitely pleased. He smiled his crooked half-smile at Wesley, who returned it with a wide grin.

"Could it be that one might even say you're happy?" The Englishman ventured.

"Let's not go too far, Wes." Angel replied but the smile never left his face.

Buffy was annoyed with herself. She had taken a taxi when she had left Angel's offices the first time and then she couldn't find the place again. She had headed back into the general area but had been unable to find the exact spot the building was located. More and more agitated she had ended up running the streets looking for a familiar landmark and even questioned a couple of homeless people. Stopping to gather her thoughts on a street corner she had cursed. The business had a phone line; in fact it had several. All she had to do was call directory inquiries and find out the address and phone number. She quickly got out her cell phone and did so. Once she had the exact address she recognised that the building was only a few blocks away from where she was now. 

She covered the remaining distance at a brisk pace, pausing only once under a streetlight to check her appearance in a compact mirror. Somewhat dishevelled and the dark circles under her eyes were slightly more pronounced that she would have liked but she would do. In her heart she knew that her appearance shouldn't matter, that it had never mattered to Angel. He had always looked past her exterior and straight into her soul, but that didn't stop Buffy wanting to look her best for him. She still couldn't believe she was doing this. She was going to see Angel after all these years of avoiding him, of not even allowing herself to think about him. And now she was going to tell him she loved him, that she didn't want to live without him any longer. _Well_, she thought determinedly,_ I've spent so long denying what I want it's about time I made up for it_.

She reached the outside of Angel's office building and caught her breath. The lights were still on inside. She checked her wristwatch; it was three a.m. _Angel should be back from whatever mission he was on by now_, she thought. She realised her heart was racing as she reached for the door handle to let herself into the building. _Nothing worthwhile in life can be accomplished without fear_, Angel's voice echoed in her head. _The only things worth having are those risks must be taken to obtain._ Buffy steeled herself and went into the office. She had taken enough risks with her life already, what was one more? 

_But I'm not risking my life here; I'm risking my _heart.

Angel heard the soft click of the front door opening downstairs. Cordelia, Faith and Gunn had already gone home for the night, so it couldn't be any of them. Either it was a walk in client, or… He shrugged his arms into a clean shirt and grabbed a small axe to deal with the possibility of the 'or'. It was against his better judgement to leave the office door open all night, but it would lose him a lot of business if he did not. He headed down the stairs to the main office, Wesley following a close distance behind. 

When he got to the bottom of the stairs he almost dropped the axe he was carrying in surprise.

"Buffy!"

Buffy smiled shyly in return to his greeting and Angel felt sure that if his heart had still been beating it would have stopped right then. 

"Well, well. Look who's here." Wesley had now entered the office also. "Very poetic, very poetic indeed." He smiled at Angel, who barely even registered his presence. "I had better be heading home, I think." The Brit prepared to make a strategic exit. "It's getting late and it has been a rather long day." Wesley cast a knowing glance in Angel's direction, and received an almost imperceptible nod in return, then picked up his coat and left. 

Buffy stared confused after Wesley's retreating back, wondering at the significance of his comments, then realised that she still hadn't said a word to Angel. 

"I…" She began, but could not continue.

"We need to talk." Angel supplied. Buffy nodded her ascent.

He put down his axe and led her upstairs. As he did so she noticed the white bandages encircling his chest, through the opening in his shirt.

"Are you OK?" She asked, unable to keep the concern from her voice.

"I'm fine." He insisted, sitting her down. "In fact, you probably caught me on one of my better days." He added cryptically. 

Buffy was confused at this. She felt like screaming. So, many times she had practiced what she was going to say to Angel if this moment ever arose, but now it was actually here all her well-planned phrases had disappeared. She couldn't think anything beyond, _he's here, in front of me_, and this was not proving beneficial to her conversation skills.

Angel saved her from replying though. "What are you doing here?" He asked.

Now this was a question she could answer. She explained about coming to LA for the job interview and staying with her father. "I met Faith and Gunn in the street," she continued. "I don't know if it was chance or, or fate…" she glanced up at Angel to see his reaction to this, but as usual his face was impassive. "Anyway, they brought me back here to talk to Cordelia, but you were out and well, I didn't get the feeling the others wanted me to hang around." Angel nodded understandingly at this. "But, I had to come back." She looked into his eyes. "I had to see you."

Angel brushed the hair away from her temple, in a familiar gesture that sent shivers down Buffy's spine. "I'm glad you did." he said simply.

He got up and paced to the other side of the room, his back turned to her, deep in thought. He turned back to her, obviously having made a decision. "There's something I need to tell you." He said.

Fear flashed through Buffy's mind. _He's found someone else_, she thought. _That's why the others didn't want me hanging around, they knew the longer I stayed the more likely I was to find out._ She wondered who it could be. _Cordelia? _No, she remembered seeing the other woman twisting a wedding ring on her left hand_. Faith? That was it. He must be having an affair with Faith. It was understandable after all. They worked together; they shared that returned from the dark side vibe. And she was a slayer and Angel had already proved he had a fondness for those._

"Oh." She managed, and was quite proud of herself for formulating any utterance under the circumstances.

"When you said that it could have been fate that led you to meet up with Faith this evening, I think you may have been right." Angel spoke with difficulty.

_He's going to say it now, I just know,_ Buffy thought. _He's going to tell me it's fate that I met up with Faith because he loves her and he didn't know how to tell me._

"You see something happened to me tonight, as well." Angel continued and Buffy looked up, this was not what she had been expecting. "I helped some gypsies, several of their number had been attacked by demons and well to cut a long story short, the elders wanted to thank me for my help."

He had Buffy's full attention now. _Gypsies?_ This was all coming completely out of the blue. She had no idea what Angel was going to say, but it had to be something significant. _Something good_, she thought. Wesley had looked pleased to see her, said that it was poetic she was there. It was fate. The dread she had felt earlier was replaced by excitement. She couldn't dare hope to guess Angel's news, but if what she suspected were true… 

"The elders thought that I had paid off my debt to their people. That I should no longer be punished for an act I committed over 100 years ago. They were impressed by the action I took to aid their tribe. That I helped when none was asked for and at personal cost to myself." Angel was still talking, Buffy registered. "They wanted to reward me for my deeds, so they, they…" 

"They made your soul permanent." Buffy finished for him. Angel nodded.

A silence stretched between them as they considered the significance of what had just been revealed. 

"It doesn't change anything." Angel protested weakly. "I'm still a vampire and you're still a slayer."

"I'm not." Buffy said breaking her own news. "I'm not a slayer anymore. Apparently, they retire you on your 25th birthday." She answered Angel's question before he could ask it. "I still have my powers, but I have no duty to use them anymore."

Angel nodded at this. He had heard of the possibility, but he didn't think Buffy would have ever agreed to it. She must have changed since he saw her last.

"And it does change everything." Buffy continued. "Now you have your soul anchored it means no more fears of Angelus reappearing. You can leave that part of your life behind and move on. Your not him anymore and you never will be again. You fought the demon inside of you and you won. And…and, it means that you can be happy, finally." She took a deep breath; afraid of what she was about to say but knowing she must say it, anyway. _No gain without risk_. "We can be happy together." She ventured. When this elicited no immediate protests from Angel, she continued. "Because, I know that I can't be happy without you. I've tried and I've tried and nothing works. I love you." She rushed this last sentence, then looked away fearing Angel's response.

"I love you too." He turned her to face him and Buffy noticed a change in him. An emotional maturity that had not been there before despite all his years. He was no longer ashamed of his feelings, he had accepted them and was not afraid to express them. This had not changed his view of the circumstances, though. "But, the future…" He continued.

"Is mine to do what I chose with." Buffy spoke more confidently, buoyed by Angel's admission of love. "And I want to spend it with you. I've had a lot of time to think about it recently and that's _all _I want. All I've ever wanted." She took Angel's hands in hers and looked straight into his eyes, to let him know the sentiment was genuine.

"And you don't mind?" He asked, holding her gaze. "That I can't give you children or take you out in the light, or that we can't grow old together."

"None of it bothers me." She replied honestly. "If I have you then that's all I need."

They kissed. Tentatively at first, then more strongly, passionately. Savouring sensations that they had thought lost long ago. Only now there was no fear of taking it too far, they could get lost in each other's embrace. Before they did, however, Buffy broke them apart. 

"Actually there is one other thing I need." She said smiling.

"What's that?"

"A job."

Angel laughed and buried his head in her neck. After depositing several kisses there, he raised his face to hers again, the expression in his eyes teasing. 

"So, this was your plan was it? Come and seduce the boss, so he'll give you employment." He joked with her.

She pulled him further into her arms and kissed him lightly on the nose. "Yeah, is it working?"

"I think so." He kissed her deeply. "You can start on Monday. I could always use the extra help."

She smiled, then started to worry. "What about the others? Will they mind?"

He considered it then replied. "If they mind then they can always work elsewhere. What about you?" He asked. "Do you mind?" He acknowledged her questioning look by continuing. "Leaving Sunnydale, moving to LA."

"There's nothing left for me in Sunnydale anymore." Buffy replied seriously. "Of course, I'll have to find somewhere to live." She returned to their light-hearted banter.

"I think there's something free in Wesley's building." Angel replied, only to be slapped on the shoulder by Buffy. "Or you could always live here." He amended. "Just as long as you don't put too many mirrors up. Why don't you stay tonight and see how you like it."

"But I don't have my night things with me."

Secure in their future together and their love for each other, Buffy and Angel began a long, passionate kiss. This time there would be no stopping, no turning back, no doubts or regrets. There would only be each other. Time stopped. The rest of the world ceased to exist. They fell together into a deep abyss of sensation. Then, spent, drifted into the oblivion of sleep. Blonde head resting against dark, limbs entwined. The picture of perfect contentment.

Willow smiled down at her friends, glad to see them happy finally. They had been though so much to get to this point that they deserved every bit of happiness they could find. Willow had done a lot of checking on her friends recently. She wanted to make sure that they were all right, before she left them for good, as she would have to soon. She had visited Giles in his home and seen him having breakfast with his new wife. She was a lot younger than him and Willow was almost shocked, but she had heard them joking together. Giles describing some old Latin text that he wanted to acquire and Marie teasing him that couldn't he ever read something off the best-sellers list for a change. There was a new one out by Patricia Cornwell she was sure he'd like. Giles had muttered an 'humph', trying to sound offended but enjoying his wife's humour really. Willow had suppressed a giggle and gone on to visit Cordelia.

She found Cordy to also be in a loving marriage. They had a grand home, but it was decorated with style not pretension and there were no staff other than a housekeeper. Cordelia clearly loved her job and every night after she returned home, she regaled her husband with tales of the people she had helped that day. Willow found herself liking the new Cordy much better than the old and wishing she had known her.

Willow's visit to Xander had also yielded surprises. This time in the shape of twin boys. She had been amazed by Xander's caring and protective attitude towards them and even more amazed by the responsible job he held down. He had finally sorted his life out and had managed it on his own, without the help of friends or family. Willow swelled with pride at her friend's achievements.

It was time for her to leave them now. She wished each of the people who had touched her life goodbye and blew them all a kiss for good measure. Willow then turned and took Oz's waiting hand. She smiled up at him. He had died exactly the same moment she had, after being hit by a car. Their souls had met on the ethereal plane and they had immediately reunited, having never stopped loving each other.

Fate moved in mysterious ways.

THE END

_Author's Note – _Well done if you got all the way to the end. It got a little long, sorry about that. Apologies also for the very dodgy sex scene at the end. I wanted to keep the rating low and 'they bonked like there was no tomorrow' didn't quite fit with the tone of the piece. I wanted to add that I don't mind getting negative reviews (because obviously the stuff I write isn't going to be to everyone's taste), but if you are going to criticise can you please give reasons for your comments, so I can try and make improvements for future fics. Thank you!


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